just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
