i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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