the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
