Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
