are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
