My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
