They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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