Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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