hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
