apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So much Jack, so little girl.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
