She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
