the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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