I wanna bring you to show and tell
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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