It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
