fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
