Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Actions speak louder than pants.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
