I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
