i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
