I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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