Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
