are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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