I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
