every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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