walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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