Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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