If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
