I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize