So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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