I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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