i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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