I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
