Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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