I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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