the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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