I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
