Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
