i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
