He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
