dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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