i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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