I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
