I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
