he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
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I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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