I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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