Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
