I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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