He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
