I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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