but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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