We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
