I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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