My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
