went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
