i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
