I'm going to jail i love you
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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