I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
