i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
