Jerry, you need to find god
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
