thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
