Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
