dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
