Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
