some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
