sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize