You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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