wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
